[As customary with the treatment of news pieces on this blog, my comments go in italics.]
Could anal Botox be the next nose job?
“Anal Botox!” “The next nose job!” Oh yes, all the joos buttbuddies are gonna get this one SO much…
There’s a buttload of money in anal rejuvenation.
You sure there is, ma’am. (Original writer is a she).
Just ask Dr. Evan Goldstein, a Manhattan surgeon who has pioneered the practice of making buttholes beautiful and more sexually compatible through Botox, tightening and loosening procedures.
Dr Evan Goldstein? Goldstein? A Manhattan surgeon? There’s nothing to see here folks, move along, move along…
“It’s kind of crazy. I did not think I would be playing with ass all day, that is for sure,” Dr. Goldstein told Moneyish. As a gay man, Goldstein, who began his medical career as a cardiothoracic surgeon, wondered how he could help his community. He noticed that most doctors performing anal surgery were treating hemorrhoids or cancer but “were not looking at the anus as cosmetic or sexually functional,” he said.
“It’s kind of crazy. I did not think I would be playing with ass all day, that is for sure…”
“I did not think I would be playing with ass all day, that is for sure…”
“I did not think I would be playing with ass all day…”
“I would be playing with ass all day…”
“playing with ass all day…”
So he opened his Bespoke Surgical practice on East 12th Street in 2010, where he offers medical services to treat hemorrhoids, skin tags and fissures, as well as cosmetic procedures like Botox, dilating and tightening services, that run from $5,000 to $25,000 depending on the severity of the case.
“Sometimes people come with really bad booties,” said Dr. Goldstein.
So, wow! There is not only an anal fisting central somewhere, there is also an anal workshop! I guess the guys featured on the first Gallery of Horrors (NSFW) must go to this center to get their anuses repaired by our good friend Evan! Wow!
And he’s not the only surgeon specializing in these niche procedures: Dr. Norman M. Rowe, who practices in New York and New Jersey, uses noninvasive radiofrequency energy to heat and tighten anal tissues, and Los Angeles-based Dr. Zuri A. Murrell offers anal rejuvenation and bleaching services and treats hemorrhoids, skin tags and polyps. Many of these cosmetic issues stem from something medical, which means that patients may find insurance covers their procedures.
Whee! Even more fag treatments for faggotry! Oh, wait… is to repair and fix certain conditions of the anal route. Like one friend said, they are going to repair their hemorroidal speed bumps. Hahahahaha! Wait a second… are they telling me that they use radiofrecuency to heat and tighten anal tissues? I can show you for what else you can use radiofrecuency…
That was the case for Joseph, 45, who asked to speak to Moneyish under an alias. Joseph got a hemorrhoid he’d suffered for five years treated in February. “It was unquestionably a medical issue. I wasn’t going in and saying, ‘Hey, tighten things up and make them look pretty,’” he said — but noted, “that was definitely an added benefit. I love it. Everything looks normal again.”
He wanted them to use the alias of SissyBoi45, but they told him it couldn’t be. So, alas, they christened him with the name of Joseph.
Best of all, the procedure has also rejuvenated his love life. “I had sex with my husband, and it’s like, ‘Wow – I’m 20 years younger!’” he said. “This is not a stretched-out ass. It’s back to how it was when he met me 13 years ago.”
“Sex with my husband…”
“With my husband…”
Also, he speaks about his now-not-so stretched out ass. Now that’s what I call progress! Yes, this is progress. Faggots speaking about their buttholes. Like that ol’ fag Ginsberg…
I am not going to use that Seinfeld (another jew) gif again, but instead…
Still, the recovery process is painful. There are “one to two days of really not liking me, especially when it’s time to go to the bathroom,” said Dr. Goldstein, noting his patients take pain medication, numbing lotions and suppositories so they can do their business. You can expect a good two weeks of bathroom discomfort. And forget about sex – bottoming at least – for three months.
Serves them right. I’d change their meds and give them laxatives instead… Why? Because I’m a bad goy. And for the lulz.
The number of men having plastic surgery continues to rise, according to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, which reported that 1.3 million total cosmetic procedures were performed on men last year, up 3% from the year before. And while they didn’t record anal rejuvenation procedures in particular, profits for Dr. Goldstein’s business have climbed 20% year over year, and he’s opened a second clinic in Beverly Hills. And John Treadwell, a patient concierge at the Dupage Dermatology and Laser Center in Illinois, told Moneyish that, in the last 30 days alone, he’s already had more than 42 requests for anal rejuvenation using the DiVa laser.
The DiVa lazorrrr! You can’t make this shit up even if you try. Drag queens, buttbrothers and the like… all are anal divas. Aaaaand, it seems that the business goes well…
Ah, here is a
mugshot of the perp a photo of this wily jew…
They’re not only treating gay men, although both Goldstein and Treadwell said they make up most of their business. “I get a lot of women now, too, as anal sex has become more accepted,” said Goldstein. A 2015 study found 1 in 3 straight women in the U.S. has tried it, and 13% have done it within the past year.
Of course, jewboy! You bet it! It’s like Fifty Shades of Jew now!!
For Rob, 44, from Brooklyn, who lost his husband to lung cancer two years ago, anal rejuvenation and hemorrhoid removal helped him get back into the dating game.
Rob? His husband was Batman?! I always knew that something strange was going on between those two…
“Hemorrhoids are embarrassing. They’re not something that you want to spring on somebody. So you either have to explain ahead of time, or freak your partner out in the moment,” he told Moneyish. Rob says he’d recommends the procedure to others too: “It is so worth it, just for the peace of mind, if nothing else,” he said.
I didn’t know that hemorrhoids were contagious. I thought AIDS was, not this. Peace of mind, he says? More like piece of ass!!
Sometimes doctors tidy up the botched work that other physicians leave behind. Tom, a 48-year-old in Manhattan, had serious scarring from another procedure that narrowed the opening to his anus.
“It was horrific, like Freddie Krueger performed it,” he said. “Normal daily activity [using the bathroom] was difficult, and sex was out of the question.”
Hurr durr… Well, that’s what you get for not using your anus like God/the Gods/Nature or The Flying Spaghetti Monster intended to… It’s so nice when you have guys speaking about their bathroom problems, it makes me think that, maybe, somehow, something is going on…
So he began getting that taken care of in 2012, and has had about $70,000 worth of surgery over five procedures to clear the scar tissue, loosen the opening and make everything down there look good again. He also got Botox injections to release the muscles around his anus so that he can enjoy bottom sex once more.
“It sounds crazy. People laugh, and they ask, ‘Does your butthole look younger now?’” he said. “It probably does! But seriously, I identify with my sexuality very strongly, and I couldn’t receive anal sex for seven years. That was a big issue for me.”
Oh boy. He had like seven years of butt abstinence. The madness! Maybe he might have turned heterosexual at the end. Think of the horror! Think of the children!
So the butt Botox, years of surgery and $70K tab were worth it when he was finally able to have bottom sex again recently.
“How does it feel? Whoo-hoo! Yes! It was a victory,” he said. “And the guy was like, ‘Wow, you have a beautiful butthole,’ which just made me feel so good. This is all I wanted, from the beginning – for this tiny little thing to look beautiful…”
I lied when I said I wasn’t going to use that Seinfeld gif again…
Yes, I’m outta here.
And you guys need the source.